On love and whatever...

As a (sort of) loner...if you've ever listened to "Desperado" (The Eagles version. Nothing against Linda Ronstadt at all; love everything she has done, but Don Henley (who can sing the phone book) hit the emotions of that song perfectly) it is basically my biography. I've been a loner all my life. Albeit an extraverted loner. How's that for a dichotomy of terms? Ha! There's a blog post...

Not that I don't have friends and such, it's just that I now realize when looking back, I was that guy who had to come down from his fences and let somebody love me. Well, I had to love myself first before that could ever happen. More on that later too. I tried several times to let somebody love me; 4 to be exact, but all have (and the last one will) end up in the trach heap of life. Sad? Yes. Hurt? Sure, but hurt goes away after awhile. Embarrassed? Absolutely. Do I want to try again? I think so. I miss the things you're supposed to miss; companionship, laughing with someone else, sleeping next to someone, sex, being playful all the live long day. The problem is that I am still up on that horse and don't want to come down. I have gotten used to being alone and doing things my way and my fear is to invite someone in who will want to throw all that into a tizzy and "change" everything. Why is that? Why do things change when a relationship starts? It makes no sense. Yes, I love you. Yes, I will do anything for you. Yes, I will always take care of you. Why can't you allow me to be me? Why do you have to make me "change" in order for you to make yourself feel better about yourself? Because, let's be honest (oooops. #1 rule in a relationship is to NOT be honest, lest we hurt feelings.) if you knew who you were, were strong enough in yourself, you have no need to worry about me and what I am doing. We'd both be happy in each others arms and also in each others absence because we know that absence is but temporary. The clingy, needy, pay-attention-to-me type of woman could be SO much better if she just allowed her man to be a man. No. That does not mean to let him sleep around at will; if that is all you are thinking about, you're very short-sighted and, quite honestly, immature. Contrary to what ALL women believe, we do not ALWAYS think with the small head at all times. No. I have that at home and am glad to have that at home...again, as long as we approach the sex life with honesty (again, we don't. See rule #1 above) I have ZERO need to look elsewhere for that. No, all the other interests I have and you have make us the individual person that we came to love and admire. Why stifle or change that? Of course, the priority is the family. We all know that and will always strive for that, but sometimes, the priority has to be our own self and that priority has to be allowed to be fulfilled. Let it! I'll let you. I'll be happy to let you, because I know you will always come back and then we have more interesting conversations to have and connect with each other on an even deeper level. This stifling, "you always have to be with me and call me and text me and whatever I say you do is fucking annoying and any woman like that is going to end up very, very, very lonely. Except for her cats.