Brain Dump

Boy, do I need a drink...it's been awhile. First and foremost, can we get some effing sunshine? My gawd. How do people in the Pacific Northwest live like this? I barely want to get out of bed, I barely want to talk to people. I barely want to function. Depression? No. Just what I am going to call the " sads." Blech. I'm afraid to stay too long and drink too much tonight, but my gawd, I can't stand doing nothing any longer.

So, I live in the metro area of Kansas City, Missouri. I live on the Kansas side of the state line. Yes, KC, MO is on the state line of MO and KS. Anyway, enough geography for today. The idiots who run KCMO just voted to remove income requirements from landlords for prospective renters. Of course, this was all brought about by an organization representing tenants. Supposedly. I say supposedly, because I am almost certain this organization is bilking the city for plenty of dollars. Even so, there are plenty of reasons to understand why this benefits no one except "Guv'mint"...which was the goal all along. It always is. "guv'mint" is like a tape worm; it keeps eating and eating with nary a care for anything else but itself. Boondoggles, "$800 hammers," crony contracts, kickbacks, perks, "tis for the, but not for me." That the vasty majority of citizens are incapable of knowing and understanding this makes me weep for this country. It's one thing to be ignorant, it is an absolute other to CONTINUE to feed the ignorance of believing for one nanosecond that "guv'mint" cares one iota about you or anyone else. That borders on mental retardation.

Say I am a landlord in KCMO...more like a slumlord (that's a whole other post in and of itself). I can no longer run a credit check nor can I take into account for income for a potential renter of my property. So, what do I make my decision based upon? I don't. I am selling my property to the highest bidder and I'm taking my $'s and leaving KCMO as fast as I can get out of town. In that scenario, who wins? Well, "guv'mint" does because they get to make the zoning laws, collect the tax money from those zoning laws. How many zones do you think will be multi-unit housing now? Cha-ching. "And the money keeps rolling in..." Who else wins? The "BIG Land" company who bought my property. They get to collect millions and millions of dollars...and kick some back to the politicians who voted for the zoning laws...from renters. They get the "development" tax breaks from the "guv'mint" to "develop" the location. They then turnaround and sell to the next "BIG Land" organization and the process continues ad nauseum. Do the renters win? No. Their rent continues to go up and their living conditions degrade without any maintenance. Why? "BIG Land" isn't going to be held accountable or do maintenance. As soon as the maintenance issues become too expensive, they sell and the next guy has t deal with it; and they never do because all they do is give pressers and print stories about how bad the other guy was and how they are planning and organizing to "get to the bottom of it for these renters." Blah, blah, blah. It's all a move to "guv'mint" controlling your lives and giving you whatever they think you need. And rest assured, there are plenty of $600 incentive checks to spread around to the citizenry to shut you up and make you believe they're "doing something." And you fall for it every time AND clamor for more. Idiots.

On love and whatever...

As a (sort of) loner...if you've ever listened to "Desperado" (The Eagles version. Nothing against Linda Ronstadt at all; love everything she has done, but Don Henley (who can sing the phone book) hit the emotions of that song perfectly) it is basically my biography. I've been a loner all my life. Albeit an extraverted loner. How's that for a dichotomy of terms? Ha! There's a blog post...

Not that I don't have friends and such, it's just that I now realize when looking back, I was that guy who had to come down from his fences and let somebody love me. Well, I had to love myself first before that could ever happen. More on that later too. I tried several times to let somebody love me; 4 to be exact, but all have (and the last one will) end up in the trach heap of life. Sad? Yes. Hurt? Sure, but hurt goes away after awhile. Embarrassed? Absolutely. Do I want to try again? I think so. I miss the things you're supposed to miss; companionship, laughing with someone else, sleeping next to someone, sex, being playful all the live long day. The problem is that I am still up on that horse and don't want to come down. I have gotten used to being alone and doing things my way and my fear is to invite someone in who will want to throw all that into a tizzy and "change" everything. Why is that? Why do things change when a relationship starts? It makes no sense. Yes, I love you. Yes, I will do anything for you. Yes, I will always take care of you. Why can't you allow me to be me? Why do you have to make me "change" in order for you to make yourself feel better about yourself? Because, let's be honest (oooops. #1 rule in a relationship is to NOT be honest, lest we hurt feelings.) if you knew who you were, were strong enough in yourself, you have no need to worry about me and what I am doing. We'd both be happy in each others arms and also in each others absence because we know that absence is but temporary. The clingy, needy, pay-attention-to-me type of woman could be SO much better if she just allowed her man to be a man. No. That does not mean to let him sleep around at will; if that is all you are thinking about, you're very short-sighted and, quite honestly, immature. Contrary to what ALL women believe, we do not ALWAYS think with the small head at all times. No. I have that at home and am glad to have that at home...again, as long as we approach the sex life with honesty (again, we don't. See rule #1 above) I have ZERO need to look elsewhere for that. No, all the other interests I have and you have make us the individual person that we came to love and admire. Why stifle or change that? Of course, the priority is the family. We all know that and will always strive for that, but sometimes, the priority has to be our own self and that priority has to be allowed to be fulfilled. Let it! I'll let you. I'll be happy to let you, because I know you will always come back and then we have more interesting conversations to have and connect with each other on an even deeper level. This stifling, "you always have to be with me and call me and text me and whatever I say you do is fucking annoying and any woman like that is going to end up very, very, very lonely. Except for her cats.

Music is my Church

Music is my church...with all due respect to Maren Morris, she wrote my song. There are few better feelings to me in the world than just sitting in darkness, bevvie in hand and listening to music. I did that just last night in my hotel room as the snows of Colorado swirled and fell all around me. Btw, fuck Colorado. I hate snow and cold. Give me the beach ANY day...but I digress. The key is the darkness; you have to be ready to receive that which you are about to enjoy, much like the sermon in church. Now, as with many sermons, some are better than others; same as songs on an album. I have decided to listen to artist discography's in order of release. I already know their hits, I want to hear what I missed in their un-released music. That is where it all began for them and I want to experience that with them. I am beginning with Jimmy Buffett and Billy Joel. I know, y'all will hit me up with all the "there's better than that out there to start with." Save it. Opinions are like assholes...you listen to who you want, and I'll listen to who I want to. Sheesh. It's like the idiot who comes in (remember, we are in a dive bar) and immediately starts to play his/her music over what is already playing on the "juke box." I LOATHE those people. Their sense of entitlement, self-importance and arrogance. It is a microcosm of everything wrong with our country today. "I know better than you and let me show and tell you why." You know what? Go fuck yourself. I don't care. "Youth is wasted on the young." Note to self, I need to find out the author who said that. Oscar Wilde. It just popped into my head as I typed that. I think it was him anyway...but I digress (sensing a pattern here? It's my own prison; my mind won't stop going in a 1000 different direction's) again. Music, yes. the first Buffet album is interesting. Not at all what I expected, but again, it was 1970 before Margaritaville and his journey to the Keys w/Jerry Jeff. You can hear the artist struggling to get out. You can hear the magic that is about to explode onto the world. Sure, he tried too hard on some cuts, but when he relaxed and let it all come to him, you just know that this artist was going to do great things. There were no hits off that record but I think I chose well in beginning with the 'ol parrothead.

Billy Joel's first record, "Cold Spring Harbor," was an equally as interesting listen. I think he had a lot of relationships with many different women (lucky him) and he was writing about the demise of all of them and how he missed them. As with Buffet, you hear the beginnings of the artist he would eventually become. His musicianship really comes through as well. He plays beautifully and his writing is honest, raw and never forced or pretentious. It's so good to hear these artists in their infancy. They struggled with everything the human condition has thrown at all of us, but they chose a path that was easy for them to cope with all those issues and produced such incredible art for us to enjoy all these years. I respect ANYONE who has done this. Artistry is hard. It is not for the faint of heart. It is not for many of us. I thought about it for about 30 seconds. Hell, I'd still like to write music and try it. However, as back then, I discovered that I like to eat and drink too much to be that poor. A good friend and former colleague of mine in radio always told me that if you "follow your passion, the money will come." Two things: what IS my passion? And why the hell has it not reared its ugly head and told me already? Fucker. I hate him.

PS - whilst listening to my music last night a good friend of mine pointed me in the direction of a woman named Gretchen Peters. Whoa. Blown away. Do yourself a favor and give her a listen.

Oh, and one more; Drake White. You'll thank me later for both.

It'll be Fun, they said...

 So, I just spent two days in a "learning summit." Basically, a couple of days at corporate office where people who already know each other get together and discuss what they already know, play with each other, drink, and eat with the agenda being bs and usually NOTHING is accomplished. So, why did I attend? I am new to my company and role and THOUGHT it would be a good way to network and learn a couple of tricks. Well, what I learned was that, just like high school, fraternities' or any other group, you're not in, unless you're in. The cliques were just annoying. Of course, there is the one person who is so stinkingly annoying but has to have it known that she is the "Queen of All Things" and you had better bow down to her at once. Now, bowing down to her wouldn't be a BAD thing; she had huge ta-tas and quite honestly, I'd have hit it. So, it wasn't all bad sitting there and imagining those fun bags flopping all over as she gorged on the stick between my legs. I'm sure she has done several of the other men in the group, as they were all around her basking in her glow, if you know what I mean.

And the "activities" in these types of things are always stupid and annoying. Group activities are never fun, however, stick them in a corporate setting and they're excruciatingly worse. "So, let's look at what we learned and discuss," says the meeting facilitator. How about we don't and just slit our wrists with a dull knife? It will have the same effect. Seriously, the answers were all the same from every group and they were answers I could have asked of any semi-intelligent 5th grader and gotten the same responses. Besides, we can't implement any of these ideas without a plethora of approvals, and those approvals ain't coming from anyone who gives a s*it. Does it increase the bottom line or cut an expense? Which is ironic coming from a support group; we're the definition of expense in the corporate world. So, I sat and waited for the days to end and went back to my hotel where I was surrounded by no one and had zero responsibilities except to myself. The dinner and "fun" social hours are an entire blog post in ad of themselves...

Idiots

 Why do people always want something different than what was built for them? Training has moved from instructor lead to computer based. I don’t agree, however, it’s always about the $’s and if a computer can do it cheaper, then by gawd, we are gonna use a computer. Never mind about retention, the ability to ask questions with an instructor, just sit down in front of this screen and LEARN!!! Now, with as much time as we spend in front of a screen, it should be easy. Wrong answer aardvark breath. Learning behind a screen and simply watching behind a screen are two different things and should not be remotely compared. It’s like people being computer savvy; if it’s on FB, TT, IG, SC or any of the other 1000’s of social media sites, these people are experts. Give them a simple task, such as downloading an app and enrolling in a course, and they have no idea how their phone or computer works. People are basically idiots…unless it is convenient and about them.

First Round on Me!

Ya, know…I don’t know if I have anything profound to say, but there are a lot of voices in my head (a friend of mine once told me that I was my “own group of people. I took it as a compliment.) telling me to write and keep writing. Whether anybody wants to read it or not is of no consequence but write I must just to get it out of my head and silence the voices. Kenny Chesney (don’t care what you think about him; he’s an entertainer and artist in his own right. What have you done remotely close to what he has? That’s what I thought…) he had to write an album full of songs he KNEW would not get any airplay, but he HAD to write them for himself. To get them out of his head.

So, write I must…sometimes lengthy, who am I kidding. They’ll probably all be lengthy. An old program director (I worked in radio for many years on the air) used to tell me “I’m gonna teach you to edit if it fucking kills you! Hint: He didn’t, but he was a tremendous inspiration for me in my radio career and he pushed me out of my comfort zone to be better. This is not a safe space. This is not a collaborative effort. This is not a PC blog. I do not consider myself to be the greatest writer in the world, so there is no ego here. This is not going to be 100% grammatically correct. Altho, I am a perfectionist, and it makes me nuts to not use correct grammar, I’ll do my best, but please do not post a reply about grammar. Bah! This is going to be me being raw, brutally honest and off the cuff. You can like it or not, I don’t care. If it helps you, great. If it doesn’t? Great. It has helped me…and the betterment of me is all that matters in this endeavor.

A fellow jock friend of mine, whom I admire, always said that when he was on the air, it was like he was in a bar talking to a bartender. I’ve adopted that for myself and hopefully, that is how this works. Beware. My bar is not some fancy, shiny, glitzy newfangled bar. No. I am the dive bar at the end of the street; paint peeling, Schlitz sign hanging out front, ripped green awning hanging over the door. It may not look like much, but once you step inside, to steal a phrase from “Cheers,” “everybody knows your name” and what you drink. And the regulars wouldn’t have it any other way. Welcome to “Jo3’s Dive Bar!” Come on in, grab a drink, tell some tales, laugh, cry, get angry…no fighting; I am also an ex-cop and I'll throw you out on your ass my own self…and let the world spin by until you feel like going home. Unlike the song, there is no "closing time" here.